Afraid of the Dark

I live with Schizo-Affective disorder, and an aspect of that manifests in depression. Lately ive noticed that i get alot worse at night. Not just when i have nothing to do, but as soon as the sun goes down. Im on high doses of both an Anti-Psychotic and a mood stabilizer but ive been taken off all anti-depressants. Which at the time i was really happy about because the side effects wern't really something i enjoyed. But since ceasing them ive noticed that my depressive episodes have become very nocturnal and have worsened in both duration and severity. At first I put this down to the backlash of coming off of the Zoloft but its continued and escalated after 2 months. 

Ive tried to adjust my sleeping patterns, that hasnt helped. Ive been active during the night, occupying myself with sketching, cleaning, writing, anything really. Nothing improves my mood, and i manage to have feelings of isolation even when im in a room full of people. These feelings of isolation and depression have grown to the point where every night i have feelings of self harm or worse. I dont even feel safe with myself anymore.

Everynight, im afraid of the oncoming darkness both outside and in my head. Ive started avoiding sleep more and the sleep i get is plagued with nightmares. This triggers another aspect of Schizo-Affective. Because when im tired the auditory and visual  hallucinations which plague me become so much worse. Which in turn, worsens the depression and puts me in a place that really isnt safe, which causes me to avoid sleep and dread the darkness even more.

I dont want to go back on the anti-depressants i take a total of 12 tablets a day as it is..i dont want to add any to that list. If anyone has any suggestions of ways to cope, or deal with this, without resorting back to medication id be really grateful.

                                                                                                  Courtney