Anxiety

Im home alone until tuesday. I thought that id enjoy this, having space being able to do what i want for a few days. In reality its shot up my paranoia and anxiety. Any noise i hear in the house is now unable to be attributed to somebody i know and becomes a predator or something dragged from the depths of my imagination. (just now heard a noise which provoked me to lock all the doors and windows)

Two nights ago i was reduced to practically rocking in the corner whimpering. Im 19 turning 20 in two weeks.  I cant look forward to a cure for this, i cant get better. What i have is degenerative. This gets worse...I cant even IMAGINE worse. Sorry this is a whiny post but I'm not capable of writing anything else at the moment. 

Im thinking things that i shouldn't be, things that arn't 'safe' for me to be thinking. Things that friends have considered calling police and ambulance because of. What sort of future do i have if im afraid of my own shadow, afraid to leave the house, afraid of people. Im barely past being a teenager and im being told I have to accept this. To be honest i dont know if i can or if i want to.

Courtney